Life Through My Lens

Today I turned 30 .. the big number. The one where everything you do now actually counts. Even though I look ten years younger, I don't feel it. I feel the weight of big decisions, desires and outcomes weighing on me and to hope that those big prayers will come. God kept giving the word, my thirty years of waiting. Right now I feel the doubt creeping in and the words slipping out in anxiety. It's here now, okay God, now be You! You will make big things happen in this coming year. So I hope so.  I've been at my job for almost a year now. This past year has been a hard season. A season of character build, stress, preparation, discernment, learning to communicate emotions, and other issues. I feel like a diamond under pressure. It takes so much pressure to get yourself to a place where you feel confident in who you are and feel ready for what God knows you desire. I'm really learning to trust God in His timing to work it all out, at the right time. To not jump too soon. ...

Beautiful surrender, that's right where I want to be.  When we have seasons of extreme highs and lows, its easy to have doubts and often wonder how God will work it all out. I'm in a waiting season right now. God has me right where I am for a reason. I'm stressed out all the time wondering what the future holds for a job. I've had distractions and wondering if it will ever workout with anyone. It's asking God for patience, obedience, discernment and contentment. God has so much in store for me that I don't know about.  God sees the unseen. He see's the entire picture. He is the master match maker, He sees the skills I will need for the next step. Its a season of preparation. It's the waiting in the process that is difficult. God is also preparing his heart too. And sometimes you are two steps ahead. And you need to pray that God is preparing them for you. Because it involves two people. But you need to focus on yourself and God. Its all the doubts...