Life Through My Lens

It's hard to not kick and scream when things just don't go the way you wanted it. But there is grace in closed doors. I have been through more rejection in my life then i can image. from guys, people, and everything else. it takes a tole on you after awhile. comparison is the theft of joy. its hard to not constantly compare yourself to other girls. what does she have that i don't. why do all the guys like her, but not me. Does God not want me to be in a relationship. it's hard to not ask these things. it's hard enough as it is to put yourself out there only to be rejected. guys won't do anything, then you say something only for them to reject you. its a constant cycle. but will the rejection stop. will someone cross my path for once and actually feel the same way ... why is it so darn hard for me to get past the mutual likeness stage. it gets easier for everyone else but me. My news feeds are constantly flooded with engagements, relationship status changes, ...

I never post stuff like this, but praise! I have never truly felt more myself and more fit since my high school field hockey days. It's taken a lot of work, but I feel more confident in myself, self image then ever before. If you know, I have struggled with my self image my whole life. I have never felt good enough, pretty enough, or met up to. God is changing that about me. He really does care about those things, and He wants you to be the best you! 🏅

There is an underlying issue that I don't talk about much, maybe to friends who I really trust. How do you explain when all you know is a broken heart, but have never ever gotten flowers before from a guy, not even a date. Not once have I ever experienced that amazing thing they call having a partner by your side. I get it, it comes with dedication and lots of hard work. I know the amount of passion that must go into a relationship even without the feelings. But yet i have no clue. In our culture we decide who is 'hot' or 'not' or if they have that 'spark' within the first few minutes of meeting someone or it's a No. they just don't feel it for you. I tend to hear that a lot, like a lot. I get friend-zoned to a tee. But aren't we the type of girls you should be with anyways. but oh yeah, I'm not that type of hot or I don't have that spark you so called think you deserve. But really, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. what is beauti...