When is the Now

There are blessings in the waiting. 

 God has been speaking truth over me that there are blessings in the waiting. It's comes down to trusting God in His promises. When I get anxiety during the week because of work or relationships I have to remind myself to not worry. God's got this. He's in control of my future, my future relationship and that He will make it happen at the right time. I know I feel more confident in myself, but sometimes it's just hard. Because it's something that I really want- a Godly relationship. I mean, I stopped wanting it in the same way I have in the past, but it is still hard.

 When is now. When will a guy just know, ask God and pursue. It seems like it shouldn't be that hard. But it's persistence. Asking God about it. I can honestly say, I have not really asked God about a future husband. I don't know if it's because I don't want it to come from a place of desperation, past hurts or rejections but really asking God about it. There is so much power in prayer, but also it's in God's timing. Sometimes you just have to wait for it to happen at the right time. And that is not easy. I want friendship and getting to know someone. God created me in a unique and rare way. And I don't believe that He would match me with someone who is not worthy of my heart. 

 I do feel like I am in a season of preparation and real maturing. That God has big plans for me. My 30 years of waiting. That He sees the unseen and is working in places I don't know about. It's fully trusting in Him on this. I am worthy of pursing. To not overthink everything, but to relax and guard my heart. He has been teaching me a lot about discernment, and if it's not from God then I don't want it. And you have to be careful all the time. 

 The waiting is so hard, and it comes with a lot of disappointment. But I'm praying and trusting that God will work it out. Someone who likes me just as much as I like them. Someone will take me on a first date, and give me flowers and do fun things with. Someday .. 


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