Life Through My Lens

It's hard to not kick and scream when things just don't go the way you wanted it. But there is grace in closed doors. I have been through more rejection in my life then i can image. from guys, people, and everything else. it takes a tole on you after awhile. comparison is the theft of joy. its hard to not constantly compare yourself to other girls. what does she have that i don't. why do all the guys like her, but not me. Does God not want me to be in a relationship. it's hard to not ask these things. it's hard enough as it is to put yourself out there only to be rejected. guys won't do anything, then you say something only for them to reject you. its a constant cycle. but will the rejection stop. will someone cross my path for once and actually feel the same way ... why is it so darn hard for me to get past the mutual likeness stage. it gets easier for everyone else but me. My news feeds are constantly flooded with engagements, relationship status changes, ...

I never post stuff like this, but praise! I have never truly felt more myself and more fit since my high school field hockey days. It's taken a lot of work, but I feel more confident in myself, self image then ever before. If you know, I have struggled with my self image my whole life. I have never felt good enough, pretty enough, or met up to. God is changing that about me. He really does care about those things, and He wants you to be the best you! 🏅

There is an underlying issue that I don't talk about much, maybe to friends who I really trust. How do you explain when all you know is a broken heart, but have never ever gotten flowers before from a guy, not even a date. Not once have I ever experienced that amazing thing they call having a partner by your side. I get it, it comes with dedication and lots of hard work. I know the amount of passion that must go into a relationship even without the feelings. But yet i have no clue. In our culture we decide who is 'hot' or 'not' or if they have that 'spark' within the first few minutes of meeting someone or it's a No. they just don't feel it for you. I tend to hear that a lot, like a lot. I get friend-zoned to a tee. But aren't we the type of girls you should be with anyways. but oh yeah, I'm not that type of hot or I don't have that spark you so called think you deserve. But really, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. what is beauti...

 Hello Friends!                I am excited to share with you a challenging opportunity that has opened up to me. In January, I will be starting my journey with Youth With A Mission (YWAM) to do my Discipleship Training School (DTS). It is a training program with a 12 week lecture phase and an 8 week outreach.                        I have always had a heart for missions and felt led to further my knowledge and serve in different areas of the world. DTS is to further equip each one to serve God’s purposes either in or outside of the YWAM family of ministries. Strengthen a commitment to reach the lost, especially the un-reached and to influence all areas of society. Also, to practice living out your faith while serving the nations during the outreach phase and e xperience  cultures and languages you haven’t encountered before. Finally, build friendships w...

This past week has been absolutely amazing. It's hard to even know were to begin. The beauty of Jamaica with blue clear water, mountainous terrine, lush green forests and fresh mango's. Sometimes it was hard to keep track of time and know were you are. When the team first got to the Montego Bay YWAM campus, it sits on a mountain were you can see over the ocean and nothing but a view. Our rooms were facing the ocean side, it was hard to not wake up to seeing it. Each morning began at 6am for breakfast, then we had devotions. But now let's get more into the reason why we came and the things we did here. The first day we went to Robin's Nest children's home. it was quit the journey getting there. it was very hilly and narrow roads. We did a lot of physical work and got to play with the children. We got a tour of the place and got to see the different rooms and how the place came about. it was amazing to see all of the children's names and pictures ...

I could not be more excited that God is leading me to new places. First, in a matter of weeks i am leaving with my team from church to the YWAM base in Jamaica. So looking forward to what is going to happen there and the things I will see there. Second, everything is finalized that I will be doing my Discipleship Training School in YWAM Lausanne beginning in January. I couldn't be more excited for this next step on my journey. 

It's difficult to explain how much things can change and you never know were God will lead you. You try new things, and sometimes it doesn't always work out. Through trials and errors those experiences will only lead you to the person you are supposed to be. I'm between a cross roads of figuring out my calling in life and still experimenting on new things. I want to finish school, go to Switzerland and do DTS and i want a full time job, relationship. but it seems that everything is going to happen in God's timing. One thing I have learned over the past year and half is patience. I have no idea how I survived some situations and others. I seem to trust God a 100% to pull through, and most of the time He does. I adjusted to a new town, new church, new people. and they are more like a second family. God knows how provide. It's hard to explain how I feel sometimes because my emotion's run dry or it's hard to explain my place in life. i just play it by y...