Few Little Words.

To be honest, I've been in a season where I've had few words. I process by writing and in a journal. I feel like I repeat myself a lot, but here's the thing, God is placing these desires and thoughts on my heart. I want to be honest, raw and open about the things He is doing. there are so many bloggers and people who write them, but I want to make mine, my own. 

 I have hopes and dreams just like everyone else. you see so many people seem to get the things you want. get married, have children, be own their own, and so on. in reality, life is not what social media is. you don't see the behind the scenes and all that went into getting there. go at your own pace. life is not a race. slow down! enjoy where you are now. 

 Certain things in life are worth waiting for. and that means waiting for God to mature you to get you where you want to be. Four years ago I was a hot mess. Even though I was a lot more mature then some I was with, I still was not there. and God knew that. I thought I finally met someone who I clicked with so well, had the same common interests, was attracted to, same age, missions minded, loved to travel ... and yet it still didn't happen. I was so heart broken. I didn't expect for things to happen the way it did, and I truly cared about the person so much. I had to learn to deal with it, heal from it and learn to let go of what you can't control. It's been so so hard! But out of that experience, I have grown, learned a lot, and matured. I know every situation is different, but there are things I just didn't know at the time, and will learn to do differently. I think of him often, and I'm glad we got to share that experience together. 

 It's also lead me to have a lot of fear. The fear of meeting someone new and the same thing happen. The fear of getting hurt again. I just don't want it to happen yet again. It makes me feel even more insecure in the way of me not being good enough, pretty enough, just not what anyone wants. I'm at that age where it's so hard to meet people. It seems like everyone you meet is dating someone, or is about to, is not ready yet, or doesn't pay much attention to you. Its so discouraging. 

 If God knows that you have the desire to be married and have a family someday, I would hope that God will bless that desire at the right time. It's just the waiting and the wondering and who and where. If I already know them or have not met them yet. 

 We are a culture that wants things to happen in a hot second. there's no patience in waiting for something anymore, the art of putting in effort is lost. to all my single ladies .. know this is for you too. God knows our hearts desires!! 

 ~Lindsay 






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