Life Through My Lens

Faith is the bridge that will carry you from where you are to where God has called you to be. Remember, you are to walk by faith, not by sight. 2018 has been a difficult year. I think most of us can say that. It’s been seasons of hard work in our lives, disappointments and setbacks. I came into the year with so much hope and that God was going to do big things.  The reality is that God often surprises us. We expect something big and extravagant with our obedience, but really God wants us to be obedient. Not because of what happens at the  end, but because of what happens during it.  At the beginning of the year, God gave me the word grace upon grace. Later on, He gave me the words my thirty years of waiting and discernment. It's unusual to get more then one word, but it makes sense. The biggest one He's been teaching me is discernment. God was working on breaking patterns in my life last year, and it all came together in what discernment really means. The reality is t...

I trust the next chapter because I know the author.  I firmly believe that everything God is preparing you for is worth the wait. The time He has given me will not go to waste. The waiting, the wondering, and will He come through. I look back on this year and wonder what all has happened. God has been teaching me obedience, discernment, leaning not on my own understanding and fully trusting Him. He has been pruning me and healing me to become the woman God created me to be. I sometimes think I complain a lot, but I'm just trying to be honest with where I'm at. I don't have to like being single, but I can be content with where I am at.  It might be weird for me to say this, but I look back in my twenties and I'm so glad I didn't get married. I didn't know who I was, what I wanted or where I was going. All the set backs, disappointments and rejections actually were a big blessing. Even though at the time it was painful and hard to understand. The past two year...

"The man God has for you is praying for you but he is also focused on godly purpose, growing as a man, preparing to lead your household and raise your children in true godliness. He is busy, yet fruit abounds on his life. He's not chasing money or women, he's chasing God. In God's timing, he will find you. Rest and trust. High caliber, high quality men are out here in abundance. Your just in the safe right now, on reserve for the one who will take care of your heart and love you as Christ loves the church. Rest Queen." -Sarita Foxworth  Don't rush the process because you're lonely. I don't want to sound like a broken record about this, but I need to be honest about this. It's that wonderful time of the year, its the Christmas season and it's filled with joy, thankfulness and cheer. Honestly, I really struggle with singleness during the holidays. You see everyone out doing fun and cute things together, countless engagements and pictures. You s...

I’ll praise before my breakthrough, till my song becomes my triumph, I will sing because I trust You. 2018 has been a difficult year. I think most of us can say that. It’s been seasons of hard work in our lives, disappointments and setbacks. I came into the year with so much hope and that God was going to do big things. I turned thirty, I had hope that God was going to bless me with some of the big things in life. He has been seriously teaching me a lot though. A lot about discernment, and asking God first. The problem is that you always get the answer, but majority of the time it's not what we want to hear. It' also having patience with it, and give it some time to pan out. Because God is always right.  The reality is that God often surprises us. We expect something big and extravagant with our obedience, but really God wants us to be obedient. Not because of what happens at the  end, but because of what happens during it. He has been showing me it's okay to be disapp...

To be at your most authentic self is to be in the presence of God.  Let's talk about community. Community is supposed to be a safe place you can join with other believers, share experiences, be accountable for one another and worship the Lord together. You connect in a very deep level with others because of the shared spiritual being. Community is talked about all the time in the church. You need to join a small group, a young adult group, a new church, volunteer somewhere. There's a lot of really great things about community.  But here's the thing .. it's not always so great. Being in community is not about yourself. It's about the people you are surrounded by. It can quickly become like a high school where it becomes about clicks, not including others, feeling left out and gossip. God wants authentic people. Not avoiding each other and not feeling included. You should be able to walk into a room and feel welcomed. Y'a'll, its about who you hang out wit...

Isn't it just like God, to turn our disappointments into a dance floor.  God often uses our times of waiting and obedience to truly rely on Him. To be honest, life has been really hard. I reached a breaking point that I just cried and cried, I hadn't cried in months. I've kept all my frustrations and hurts to myself for far too long. God doesn't want us to do that. He wants us to talk through our emotions and have people that can speak into our situations. My job situation was literally making me sick, and it was hurting everything around me. I needed a better way to lean into God for plans for my future. God has also had me in a season of preparation. He's been working through some hard truths, healing me and bringing me to a healthy place emotionally, spiritually and personally. Your bamboo seasons are your seasons of acceleration, because of the work He's been doing under is going to have unusual acceleration.   God has given me words for this year. Such ...

The other day I got to attend the wedding of a dear friend of mine. The wedding was beautiful, filled with the Holy Spirit and blessed with love ones all around. I have known Leah for years now and I can say her obedience to the Lord has lead her to amazing places, and led her to her now husband. It has come with it's fair share of trials and tests, but God is faithful. I'm so happy for her and the new adventures she has ahead of her.  Being at her wedding brought back a lot of emotions. I know I want to get married too, but it made me miss the days when I was traveling, and the community missions brings. There is something so special about being somewhere abroad and the experiences you have with those around you. You can't even explain it sometimes. I have been home for a little over four years now and it's been a long haul of working through issues and having to work in general. What I am feeling now is ready to actually move forward. But I am not who or where I was...

"Whatever our lot, we can say, "it is well." hardship melts into worship when we realize that God is always for us." This season of life has been one of the hardest. And I mean not in the same way it has been in the past. Whether it was working through family issues, heartaches with guys, life changes and other life stuff, this season has proved to feel like a pressure cooker. He is seriously working in me in a season of preparation. My job has been by far the hardest job I have ever had. I'm seeing the maturity in my responses when you feel let down, or when life doesn't go your way. It's pressing into Him and knowing He sees more then we know.  Since I've turned thirty all my hopes for this coming year had felt stalled. Nothing is going the way I thought. I had hoped to be out of what I am doing at work and working in the bakery.  Relationships don't workout the way you thought, and family issues are becoming real. God is making me wait a l...

"She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her." -(Proverbs 3:15) If there is anything God has been teaching me in this season, it's learning to be firmly rooted in Christ. Nothing can come against that. Because you know who you are. God continues to bring clarity in my walk with Him, but also that I am worthy of pursuing and worthy of great love. Every set back is a place to bring you closer to where you need to be. I've matured enough to know when to let go and move on before things get to a place you can't go back from. When to sense when something feels off, and to listen to your intuition. It's not easy, and its hard because nothing ever seems to happen the way we want it to.  Being a woman of God means you are set apart. You are what they call, top shelf. You are worthy of praise, but also worthy of someone who is worthy of you. It's taken a lot of heartache and pain to know that you can't settle for anything less...

There's a peace far beyond our understanding ..  God gave me the word over the past few months my thirty years of waiting. At the beginning of the year He gave me the word Grace. I was feeling hopeful and that God is going to do great and wonderful things. Well, I turned thirty and all the sudden I felt all fear and doubt crash over me. I could hardly stan d it at my job that I was on the verge of having a melt down, that I asked to switch departments for a better work environment. Other areas of my life have seemed to crash and burn too. I feel like the enemy is trying to get me in places that will set you aside. But our job is to not allow for the enemy to do that.  When everything doesn't make sense, that is when we need to really press into faith and pray. Have patience and allow for God to be God. Being an over thinker drives you nuts and you feel like you always read into everything. I did just turn thirty a few weeks ago, and a lot can change in a year. I just need ...

Today I turned 30 .. the big number. The one where everything you do now actually counts. Even though I look ten years younger, I don't feel it. I feel the weight of big decisions, desires and outcomes weighing on me and to hope that those big prayers will come. God kept giving the word, my thirty years of waiting. Right now I feel the doubt creeping in and the words slipping out in anxiety. It's here now, okay God, now be You! You will make big things happen in this coming year. So I hope so.  I've been at my job for almost a year now. This past year has been a hard season. A season of character build, stress, preparation, discernment, learning to communicate emotions, and other issues. I feel like a diamond under pressure. It takes so much pressure to get yourself to a place where you feel confident in who you are and feel ready for what God knows you desire. I'm really learning to trust God in His timing to work it all out, at the right time. To not jump too soon. ...

Beautiful surrender, that's right where I want to be.  When we have seasons of extreme highs and lows, its easy to have doubts and often wonder how God will work it all out. I'm in a waiting season right now. God has me right where I am for a reason. I'm stressed out all the time wondering what the future holds for a job. I've had distractions and wondering if it will ever workout with anyone. It's asking God for patience, obedience, discernment and contentment. God has so much in store for me that I don't know about.  God sees the unseen. He see's the entire picture. He is the master match maker, He sees the skills I will need for the next step. Its a season of preparation. It's the waiting in the process that is difficult. God is also preparing his heart too. And sometimes you are two steps ahead. And you need to pray that God is preparing them for you. Because it involves two people. But you need to focus on yourself and God. Its all the doubts...

There are blessings in the waiting.  God has been speaking truth over me that there are blessings in the waiting. It's comes down to trusting God in His promises. When I get anxiety during the week because of work or relationships I have to remind myself to not worry. God's got this. He's in control of my future, my future relationship and that He will make it happen at the right time. I know I feel more confident in myself, but sometimes it's just hard. Because it's something that I really want- a Godly relationship. I mean, I stopped wanting it in the same way I have in the past, but it is still hard. When is now. When will a guy just know, ask God and pursue. It seems like it shouldn't be that hard. But it's persistence. Asking God about it. I can honestly say, I have not really asked God about a future husband. I don't know if it's because I don't want it to come from a place of desperation, past hurts or rejections but really asking God ...

Overwhelming peace. God has given me an overwhelming peace. I know that in the beginning of the year God gave me the word grace. A spirit of rest, grace upon grace of all the hard times and just for myself. What it means to truly rest in Him. I'm burned out all the time from my job and just the craziness of life, but also learning to truly rest in Him. How to have a life when you have other obligations. It's been a real challenge for me. Pressure makes diamonds right.  Learning to rest in Him also mean learning to rest in His promises. We become so fixated on our desires and what we want that we miss the growth in the process. So when does it become something from God and not out of desperation.. we ask Him. We check our hearts and motives. It doesn't mean your not intentional about it, but it's realizing that God knows the desires of our hearts and prayers, and the focus needs to be more on ourselves and not those desires. Like the prayers you've been asking Go...

What does it look like to just be .. to just be in His presence again. We grow soo used to being busy all the time we don't actually take the time for Him. God is a jealous God, and He wants all of our attention. He wants to get our attention back on Him. The enemy will do anything to distract us. And we need to be praying for discernment in the process.  Something was brought up to me the other night after church, what is the next? I was explaining how I went to college, did YWAM and now working full time, and I feel like my time following God is up. I'm in a different season of life now. And it sometimes involves giving up a lot in the process. But I'm not feeling fulfilled in what I am doing. I feel drained and tired all the time. I feel like I'm waiting for that next big thing to happen .. but what does that look like. God has grown me and changed me so much over the past few years that all that I have learned can be used in such significant ways. I'm an amazi...

There is rawness in the beauty.  Pressure makes diamonds. Everybody wants to be a diamond, but very few are willing to take the pressure and get cut. Water cuts through and erodes rock not by force, but with what it contains at a molecular level and with it's fierce persistence. Because nothing grows out of comfort zones. You have to be persistent in growing and stepping out in faith.   I can say, in a more recent sense, I have been a diamond under pressure surfacing over a lot of hard work and healing in my life. God is making me a diamond. A diamond that reflects Jesus and the victories in my life. It's not just diamonds, but when God is faithful, our lives will be fruitful. Each season of our lives He is constantly surfacing and molding us to be more like Him.  Remember that God meets you where you are at. Not where you have been, not where you are going, but right where you are. He takes all of our experiences and uses them to better ourselves. We are not produc...

I was driving in the car with my mom the other day and we started talking about all of our times in Delray Beach, FL and missing Atlantic Ave. and the inner coastal and watching the boats go by. It hit me that all those times are only memories now. We can't go back to what was once a reality. All the family dinners we used to have and the boat rides. Everything you do will become a memory. So why is it so hard to realize to live in the moment, but yet we always look ahead or behind.  Four years ago I would be graduating from DTS and leaving to come back to reality. So how did time go so fast. I always miss YWAM during the winter months. You don't always realize the memories you are creating and the memories you make with people. It always goes way too fast. We are all in different phases of life now, and life has never been the same since then. But I miss that season of life. When all I had to worry about was to live for Jesus for six months. And then all of that changed. Tim...

Because God is faithful, our lives will be fruitful. There are blessings in the waiting. We live in a culture where we want everything now. We want and want, but don't put in the effort for things to grow. Everything takes time. I'm not saying that if it's right, then go for it. Sometimes you just have to take a chance or that chance won't come again. But God's timing is perfect. He is never late or too early. We jump into relationships to soon and then end in devastating consequences. A relationship is one of the most important decisions of our lives, and we need to not be reckless with our hearts and of others.  In the Bible, everything took time. Jesus was thirty-three when He came to his ministry. There are other stories where it took until later in life to receive that blessing. But it's what we do in the waiting that matters. God can use that time for other things. I shouldn't feel left behind because I'm not married with two kids or have a dre...

One of the most powerful gifts God can give to you is your testimony. Believe it or not, I didn't grow up in the church. I went to various churches growing up, but it was only for Easter services and events. But I knew nothing about it other then religion. My parents were hurt from the church and chose to raise us without it. My parents divorced when I was young, and both remarried. I didn't come to know the Lord until I was 19. I was a freshmen at Penn State who was new and learning my way around and wanting to meet new people. My RA and few of the guys started this bible study in my hall. I still remember this to this day, but one night we all went out for a quick dinner and someone asked me what it is I believe in .. and I didn't know. So I started to go to the bible studies and something just clicked in me. I wanted to know more. I have never heard it like this before and especially from people my own age. But God knew something else was in store for me.  I rememb...